These are songs that are meaningful to me as I grieve and openly mourn. Most are straightforward and emotional but I included a few songs that are more associated with romantic love because the chorus was beautiful and helps me process my loss.

1. Angels by Tom Walker  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdD-Epg1XPI
2. Saturn by Sleeping At Last https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s 
3. Rise Up by Andra Day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UR4T0av0o40
4. You Say by Lauren Daigle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI
5. Beautiful Boy by Ben Harper https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IljskZuz7LQ
6. Everybody Hurts by The Corrs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GIT-ee4Pzw
7. I Just Got Back from Hell by Gary Allan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXFgB_TwCrI
8. 21 Years by Toby Mac https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSV-pRGbg4k
9. Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UR4T0av0o40
10. You Said You’d Grow Old With Me by Michael Schulte https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI7lSqMSq5U&list=RDnI7lSqMSq5U&start_radio=1
11. You are the Reason by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShZ978fBl6Y
12. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk
13. Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0
14. I Just Called to Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bGOgY1CmiU
15. Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqZE4ZDnAkQ
16. No One by Alicia Keys https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rywUS-ohqeE
17. Carry On by Fun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7yCLn-O-Y0
18. What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWzrABouyeE
19. Shine by Thomas Dybdahl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzgKtcxOpuA
20. Who You’d Be Today by Kenny Chesney https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ne3cz9eUsQ
21. Glitter by Patrick Droney https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luS9Vp5krro
22. It’s Quiet Uptown by Lin-Manuel Miranda https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjEoOeXId1k
23. Beam Me Up by Pink https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JZquGqRlTQ
24. Precious Child by Stoweood https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aq4qV7v1xNI
25. Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXw0jcYbqdo
26. If I Would Have Known by Kyle Hume https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4MXU0HP3KU
27. Give Heaven Some Hell by Hardy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNLPf8YhSc8
28. Wrecked by Imagine Dragons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mJayYlfcWo
29. See You Again by Carrie Underwood https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC0mKxtS7mA
30. One More Day by Diamond Rio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuE1XJ_uqOs

Ideas and Tips to Help and Heal a Parent’s Grieving Heart

1.       Use the name of the person lost. My heart lights up when someone uses Kenny’s first name. It’s affirming, loving and shows respect. Also supportive things like “What a handsome kid.” or “I can tell he was a kind and good person.” really make my heart stand tall.

2.       For some parents, at least at first there is a certain stigma, shame and feelings of being judged when the person lost dies by the use of opioids. Always remember that regardless if the person who died was a first time user of a fully addicted individual that that person is somebody’s someone.

3.       Realize that parents don’t want to hear things like “He is in a better place now.” Or “God needed another angel.” even if that is ultimately true.

4.       Understand that even if a parent logically understands that their child is not coming back their heart and emotions take much longer to accept it.

5.      Realize that grief and love are opposite sides of the same coin and it’s because parents love so deeply that they experience such life altering pain.

6.      Be present to the other person’s pain. You don’t have to fix it and chances are you really don’t understand but that’s okay. Just be there, grab that tissue box and hold them if appropriate.

7.     Encourage and help them to remember the person who died. It can be both painful and healing to mark the deceased’s birth and date of death anniversaries by releasing a balloon or anonymously purchasing another child’s cake with the same birthdate. Also linking objects and personal items from the person who died can be a powerful way to remember them.

8.      Don’t try to protect them from all the pain. Obviously if it is overwhelming, outside support might be necessary but some parents suppress the pain. When you actually run towards the pain and outwardly mourn in manageable doses it helps you process the loss.

9.   Help them search for meaning and develop a new self-identity. This is a process that takes time. They will never be the person they were even moments before finding out their child had passed but I have found that there can be a sort of integration that takes place. It is a love amongst the pain and a gradual acceptance. It’s not really important that the new identity is a huge shift but it could be a small improvement such as “I’m going to get up and do the dishes twice this week in their loved ones honor. I’m going to bravely pray and breathe today.

10.   Ask them to look for the heroes in their situation and if possible become one of those heroes. They may not be receptive to this right away but eventually it can be so empowering to remember the family member who got it and listened, the stranger on Facebook who reached out, or the coworker who checked on you when you were absolutely broken and devastated inside.

I was a co-facilitator of a men’s grief group for an organization called Eric’s House and I highly recommend them. It’s a closed group that’s limited to 8 participants and they meet on zoom every Tuesday for 9 weeks from 6:00-7:30pm MST. If you are interested in signing up for their next group please visit erics house dot org.

Here is more information from the group founder, Greg Eckerman.

Loss of a loved one is devastating. It can drive us into isolation. Loss to addiction, suicide or sudden trauma only increases the complexity of grief—adding layers of guilt, anger, or shame. The masculine griever faces tough challenges. A man’s grief defies all the cultural norms we subject ourselves to: don’t cry, man up, move on…but it’s not the easy way. We must first acknowledge that, while it’s possible that we could get through great loss on our own, it’s difficult to do it alone. The odds of success go way up with good support. Whether you’ve lost a child, sibling, parent or close friend, Eric’s House Men’s groups create a safe space where you can risk sharing what hurts the most in the presence of other men who have their own deep, personal experiences of loss—who will not judge you, presume to “fix” you, invade you or abandon you.

I am so excited to have poems published in “Voices of the Grieving Heart” (Collected by Mike Bernhardt). It contains the most difficult poem that I have ever written and depicts the source of my PTSD and initial trauma when finding my son. It’s called “Etched in my Brain (See link under adult poems). I also have a poem that discusses my fears since losing Kenny (See link under teen poems). Although very sad, I hope they serve in helping grievers realize that they are not alone in their struggles. I wrote them both with significant tears and a nod towards the sky.

PRAISE FOR VOICES OF THE GRIEVING HEART
“Voices of the Grieving Heart, carefully curated by Mike Bernhardt, is a profoundly compassionate friend of a book – listening, gently responding, sharing the heavy load of sorrow, letting anyone of any age living through any sorrow know, they are not alone.”

Naomi Shihab Nye

Young People’s Poet Laureate, Poetry Foundation“In an age where grief is made more complex by pandemic isolation, Voices of the Grieving Heart embraces readers within a healing community, where one hears their own voice emerging from the words of others.”

Joe DeSantis, Chaplain
Samaritan Life-Enhancing Care
“Each poem is a perfect mirror, an encouragement to heal. This is the poetry of our joy and exhaustion, living and dying with the consequences of love. This is our voice when our heart is broken.” (1st edition)

Stephen Levine
Author of Who Dies?

“This beautiful book speaks directly to the heart with moving and powerful poetry from people who generously share their journeys of love, loss, healing, and hope. If you are grieving the loss of someone you love, it will help to validate your experience and feelings. With a section devoted to grieving in the time of pandemic, and an invitation to experience the healing power of writing through your own grief, it is as personal as it is universal.”

Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC
Author of You Are Not Alone

A community of grievers supporting children, teens and adults.

It is our mission to empower those that grieve through poetry and purpose.

Current Services 

Poetry Programs-For years, I did an assembly program for K-6 students called “Heroes and Poets.” I am delighted to say that the same high standard for excellence and fun is now available in a slightly altered program for grievers and it’s appropriately called “Grievers and Poets.” Please contact me for available dates and costs.

Family Night Speaker-If you need a family night speaker centered on grief and healing, please contact me for available dates and costs.

Books

1. Original Grievers and Poets: When a Loved One Dies
2. Finding Meaning after Loss (Coming Soon)
3. Grievers and Poets for Teens (Coming Soon)
4. Other Kinds of Grief (Coming Soon)

Future Plans

I am currently a special education teacher and children’s poet from Phoenix, Arizona. I absolutely love my job and school! Looking ahead, I am eligible to retire from teaching in May of 2025. During the next few years I will continue to develop more programs, books and support for grievers as I pursue full certification as a life coach and grief companion. After teaching and that chapter of my life ends I will support grievers full time as my role evolves.

Pod Cast (Coming Soon)

Certified Grief Companion (Ongoing)

Lead the Men’s Group

Life Coach (Ongoing)

Blog content once a month

Early on in my grief journey I realized I needed support. This became even more important when I decided I wanted to live in such a way that honored my son. I received support from a wonderful organization called Eric’s House. The folks at Eric’s House really get it and I can’t say enough for their caring and results approach to grief.

I have tried and continue to explore different strategies and grief hacks to increase the quality of my life but the one constant for three years has been Eric’s House. I attend the general men’s grief group and was a co-facilitator of their online men’s support group via zoom and I highly recommend them.

They offer local (Phoenix, Arizona) support as well as online support to grievers in various parts of the United States. If you are grieving please search Erics House dot org or call 1-855-894-5658 for excellent support.

When it comes down to it there are many ways to grieve and the thing they all have in common is that grief sucks. It equals pain and yet it’s necessary and part of the process of finding meaning in significant loss.